"Adopting a Child won't change the world; but for that Child the world will change."

Thursday, 7 February 2008


I don't want to get old.

I went to visit my Grandma today. She lives in a nursing home, but it's semi-selfcontained. She has her own little kitchen sink area (no stove) and own bathroom. My Grandma has Alzheimers Disease. We'd asked several times to find her a place in a home, we were told, she couldn't unless "something happened". Grandma kept forgetting to turn off her gas stove top. I was so angy, she nearly gassed herself to death... but that's not "something". A few weeks later, she fell over, and almost broke her hip (again). Apparently, THAT is something. Anyway, she's been in the home for about 2 years now. It is a really nice home (I ask her all the time, if they have a spare room for me! They cook, clean and do laundry... how good is that?!!!) In the two years Gran has been there, her Alzheimers has steadily gotten worse.

Today, when I entered the room, she just kind of stared at me. This is the first time, she hasn't known who I am. Previously, she's just repeated the same thing to me about 5 times... but today was different. She did work out who I was, but was very confused. I talked with her about our up and coming holiday in China. I told her "we're taking the kids. We're going to Beijing and will catch and overnight train" She'd cut me off, "Are you taking the children?" She repeated alot of stuff as well. And to make matters worse, she's chipped one of her dentures, and I came in just after the dentist had been, and took her teeth away - so the poor Love had no teeth in. People look really different with no teeth. She just didn't look like Grandma at all.

She kept saying "I don't know why God leaves me here"... I kept telling her, "Don't say that!"

My heart is so sad. I can't even imagine what it must be like to not even know what you did 2 minutes ago. But know, that you don't know. Grandma is so frustrated.

I don't want to get old.

Grandma & H-man - Nov 2001


Debz said...

I agree whole heartedly. Shane's grandma is in the same boat. She has regressed alot and now she talks about her kids like they were still little. It must be so hard on them bless their hearts.
actually the other day Gramma had a guy come up to her in the home and her asked if she remembered him and she said "Of course I do!" and when he turned to walk away she stuck her toung out at him!!! I laughed at that. Gramma's aren't suppossed to stick their toung out at boys! Ha ha ha! Either way we still love them don't we.
Happy Chinese New Year

Briana's Mom said...

There are tears in my eyes. I am so, so sorry. You know that I understand.

My grandmother is getting worse too. She keeps asking about her mother. We called her "Nana". She recently said she needed to send Nana a birthday card. Nana has been gone since 1983. It is so sad.

Made in China said...

I agree as well. My grandfather is in the early stages of Alzheimer's. It's really sad.

I am not afraid of growing old, only afraid of being old and sickly. As I creep closer to my 40's I am taking much better care of myself!!

Buckeyes & Eggrolls said...

I cannot imagine how frustrating that is. My husbands grandmother had alzheimers and it got a point where she didn't even remember him. He was devastated as he used to spend his summers with her. :-(
Thoughts are with you.

krj said...

I have often heard that Alzheimer's is the hardest disease to grapple with, because in essence you lose the person you love twice. I am so sorry you are having to watch her in her own confusion. Keep in your heart and mind always that this is a thing of the mind only, not of the heart. That underneath that, no matter what, God is with her.

I love the photo, what a beautiful woman.

krj said...

PS. I think her statement about God "leaving her here" is profound. Maybe she is talking about staying here on earth, when she's already got her sights on heaven and being free of her confusion.

Ava's family said...

It's so hard watching those you love get older. I'm so sorry that your Grandma has Alzheimers. That is such a terrible disease and so hard on the family when they forget who you are. My mother's best friend's husband has it and it's so sad. (((Hugs)))

Linda said...

Sorry about your Gramma..I am a person who is getting older in my 60's... I do have the fear that I will not remember my children, but the best we can do is try to live and take the pleasure out of each day.. I want my kids to always remember the good times and the funny/happy things as I'm sure your gramma wants you to do. Just love her and remember who she was not what is happening now... Linda

Special K said...

I know exactly how you feel because my grandmother is the same way and in the same type of home.
It's hard because she has always been such a strong woman. And to see her this way but still physicaly healthy is just so sad.
She'll be 99 this year by the way!

Chelley said...


I know where you are coming from on this.... Sadly my Nana passed away 8 years ago..... It was a very painful time...

just wanted to send you really big hugz

Cristina said...

*HUG* There are no words, just know that I am thinking of you.

Cristina xx

Melissa said...

My grandmother is going through this right now and her kids are trying to decide if they should send her somewhere. She's not safe living alone anymore. It's so sad. I don't want to lose my grandmother.